Renn's Space

I'm a little tired but I figure, let's write some bullshit hehe.

I don't usually have dreams, although it seems like they usually occur when I either get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep or when I'm in a state of being like 3/4 of the way into deep sleep.

I dunno why, but it's interesting, by uninterrupted I mean like emotionally too. I have to be calm with little anxiety. As for the 3/4 case, I noticed that even though I have aphantasia, it lessens and allows me to exert greater control over my mind? I dunno if that's the right word, but when I'm tired I can see things and hear things as I will without much difficulty.

Another thing I noticed is that I'm never alone in my dreams, there's always someone with me.

The contents of my dreams vary but they always involve some type of disaster or escaping. Typing it kinda worries me lol, that can't be normal. Here's an excerpt from a time I woke up and wrote down what happened

"I had a dream I was in a school and then suddenly this fairy creature we heard was roaming the school tearing people apart, so we hid me and a friend, reminded me of an old friend from high school.

Eventually we end up in the bathroom and this thing was violent there was 4 of us in the stalls and when it got to the other 2 it burst open the door and took them away, when it got to me I pressed myself against the door so it opened with me behind it, it seems like the creature was stupid, then it left and then my friend came out of the other stall. 

We made our way back to our homeroom class where we decided to go home, we lived near each other and we heard from the other classmates the fairy was going around the entire school.

So we bolted out and it was somehow night and snowing."

One of the reoccurring dreams takes place at the building I used to live before we moved.

The building was divided into the left and right parts and there was a underground maintenance hall that you can use to go between them without having to go through the main lobby.

In that hall there was an entrance to some tunnels, and overall the building felt like it could fall apart in the dream.

Back then I lived on the 5th floor, and in the dream my fear of the other floors was made very apparent because they were fucking creepy. In the dream I went to the 6th floor and the lights were dimmer and there was strange noises, I hid in the elevator until it took me back to the 5th floor.

In another dream there was a massive earthquake and many natural disasters, I remember trying to save my brother but I failed. 

I don't know why all my dreams are scary but I hope one day I'll maybe figure it out. But if it's the case that they'll always be like that, I guess I'm glad I don't have them often lol.

That's all for today, may the person reading this have a blessed day.

It seems no matter where I go, I an merely a visitor. I could exist in a space and absorb the mannerisms, norms, the culture and even after an extended period of existing there I'll still just be a visitor. I am a nomad, I struggle to lay roots, I am that annoying mosquito that appears and disappears seemingly at random.

I forewarn those around me who care to listen, I am evil, I will exist one moment and disappear the next, leaving them wondering if they did something wrong. I can't help it, I have Schr�dinger's interest. There's no matter of if but when it will happen. There's nothing I can do to stop it, it's inevitable. I am simply a flawed human being.

The only constant in my life is the work I do, my longest commitment is software. I do what I do because it's interesting, it never gets boring. The issue is no one other than me enjoys this specific form of torture. And it is torture, maddeningly so, at a moments notice the serenity can be replaced with dread. Enjoyment with the feeling of death.

Do people who enjoy torture exist? I haven't found any yet. What I have found is that everyone's torture is different, and some make it very apparent. Watching ants squirm is fun.

In the event my torture becomes boring, I'll probably die. I'm looking forward to it, but for now, the show must go on.

You may read that title and immediately go: “Why?” and the answer is simple: Why not?

I love Objective-C, in fact it is my favorite language. If I could get a Foundation style framework and a cross platform objc runtime I’d be set for life. The best part is that Objective-C is a sort of extension on top of regular old C, you could write bindings for all your favorite C frameworks, and there’s basically a C library for almost everything you could want. Someone even wrote GTK bindings for ObjFW, generated by script, now that’s cool.

Anyway, since blosxom is like 300 lines and its functionality quite simple, I figured I’d “rewrite” it in Objective-C. Once it’s done I guess I’ll post the source code here.

That’s all for today’s post ^_^

Yesterday I woke up and noticed my paycheck hit! \o/. So as any sensible person would do, I went window shopping on eBay.

On an aside, watching crime murder documentary while writing is NOT the move lol

But first, some context, recently I’ve been fascinated with specialty audio encoding, that is, Dolby Digital, DTS-ES and the like. I don’t really know how they work/differ when compared to a standard 2.0 stream of AAC, MPEG or PCM.

What I do know is that they are darn cool just by their existence. While writing this I forgot what suffix DTS uses for their home codec so I went on Wikipedia to remind myself.

One of DTS Inc.'s initial investors was film director Steven Spielberg, who felt that theatrical sound formats up until the company's founding were no longer state of the art, and as a result were no longer optimal for use on projects where quality sound reproduction was of the utmost importance.

Like hello? Is that not cool?

Anyway, I went looking specifically for DTS encoded anime DVDs, I already have plenty of Dolby Digital encoded DVDs.

In fact I think 99 percent of my collection is encoded in Dolby Digital. The sole exception is my copy of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, which I believe contains both Dolby Digital and DTS-ES tracks.

This gave me a lead as to which publishers used DTS, that is Manga Entertainment.

Manga Entertainment was founded in 1991, they apparently produced, licensed and distributed anime throughout the 1990s into the early 2010s. Eventually they got folded into the monopoly known as Crunchyroll who merged with Funimation in 2022.

Which, given Manga’s catalogue I’m not too vexed about it..

A quick disclaimer, I have not watched any of their catalogue except for Ghost in the Shell, but looking at the DVDs they put out on eBay, aaahh some of it scares me.

It’s just off-putting.. credit where it’s due though, they lasted longer than ADV Films LOL.

Turns out however, Manga Entertainment was only partial dead-end in regards to my quest.

It seems Ghost in the Shell was the only thing they made with DTS tracks. I found a lot on eBay containing GitS: Special Edition, GitS: Innocence and GitS: SAC for $13.9 9 + shipping. I figured, while I already own the included copy of SAC, it wouldn’t hurt to offer $11 and see what happens.

It should arrive soon :D

The next publisher I had on my mind was Geneon, I own a few animes published by them like Stellvia, I suppose eventually I’ll maintain a list here or a spreadsheet of some sort to help manage my collection. Right now I just remember them all which I guess could lead to duplicates later down the line.

By this point I’ve realized how fruitless this quest is, I think I’d have better luck looking for anime movies instead of shows.

I remember that Chobits was published by Geneon before its license being taken over by Funimation so I spent some time looking for the classic Chobits DVD box set! Here’s what that looks like:

You can find more information about it here, the original release’s art is SO cute, Chi looks stunning here.

It took me awhile to find it, eBay is flooded atm with various Funimation released sets, like this one:

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have to admit, the artwork featured is very moe and I kind of regret not going for that release… but I will not falter!

 

>.<

OK, anyway, I found what I was looking for in a lot! The image had the box art I was looking for with the title:

“Anime DVD Collection Chobits Tactics Full Metal”, priced at $80.00 + $4.47 in shipping

So naturally I clicked and HOLY I think stumbled upon a grail, I’ll amend this post with a photo containing everything, but here’s the raw list.

• Chobits – DVD Box 1 + DVD Box 2 (Box 2 looks to be a BIT faded) – Geneon
• Tactics – Vol 1 + 3 + 4 – Manga Entertainment
• Pretear – Complete Collection Thinpak (w/box) – ADV Films
• D.N.Angel – What looks to be all DVDs in it’s original artbox, not Thinpaks (A little bent and maybe dirty) – ADV Films
• Read or Die – Original 2003 90 min DVD – Manga Entertainment
• Black Cat – The Cat Out of the Bag, Vol 1 – Funimation
• Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu – Vol 1 – ADV Films
• Chrono Crusade – Complete Collection Thinpak (w/box) – ADV Films
• Sakura Taisen: Ecole de Paris – DVD, 125min run – Funimation
• Le Portrait de Petite Cossette –  2005 DVD release, 110min run DTS! – Geneon
• Full Metal Panic! – Vol 1-7 Thinpak (no box) – ADV Films
• Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust – 105min DVD – ???

I think for $80 I did pretty well, I have not watched all of these except for Chobits so it should be fun.

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Okkkk, this is getting kinda long and I’m tired.. let us and by us I mean me wrap this up.

The next 2 items were already on my watch list, that is

• Gunslinger Girl, the Complete Box Set 3-Disc DVD Collection for a frosty $27.21
• Elfen Lied: The Diclonius Report 3-Disc DVD set for $32.89

Why? I LOVE Elfen Lied, fuck all those people who told me its trash/tasteless, when I first saw it I fell in love, who doesn’t love seeing a naked girl absolutely fuck everyone and their parents up???? and the music OMG.

Gunslinger Girl is just something that looked interesting, girls + guns, it has to be good, Black Lagoon was prettty fucking good. Speaking of which I need to own that one day too.

I WILL be posting photos when they arrive. I need to figure out how I am gonna do photo hosting here, I have alot to share!

Anyway that's me signing off for now <3

Well, hello.. I mean I'd usually start an introduction by stating my name and what I'm doing here, but uh, I think by putting my name all over this site it'd be kinda on the nose, no? So let's cut to the chase.

I've never had a space where the people around me didn't know who I am.

That makes it hard to just be myself.

I mean the real me is hardly marketable, things are just too tough right now, and a facade is necessary to progress. If a potential employer saw the kinds of things I post.. I just would feel shame, I am not a happy go lucky person. I am indifferent to many things but lately my thoughts have been riding highs and lows in an emotional sense. I do not know what my purpose is on this earth and sometimes I do really want to give up.

If I expressed these thoughts as the handle I go by, I fear it would hinder any kind of progress in my life. I wouldn't blame a potential employer choosing to not hire me simply because they view me as a risky employee, someone who'd work diligently for a few months then maybe lose motivation, and still determined to prove themselves ends up burnt out. Take a guess as to my current situation..

I don't know why I am the way that I am, I have aphantasia and no inner monologue. I do not know how I work, or even how I know things. I've had plenty conversations with friends on hypotheticals and it has revealed to me that I am much different than most people. Currently I view it as a disadvantage, although I think that the more research or time I devote to trying to understand it, that may change. Recently, maybe 3 months ago I had a period of an hour or so where I think it was just too much for me, maybe my introspection went a little too far, I was sobbing trying to piece together how it is I know what I know.

I really struggle with imposter syndrome because of this, I can't exactly point to where I learned something. I can't even remember what I last week, or the week before then or even 2 days ago lol. My memories of the past consists of knowing what major events happened, I can't picture my past, all I've got is feelings when I recount the events in my head. Recounting something in my head consists of speaking without speaking, so to speak xD.

If you ask me what my favorite anime is, you'll get a different answer depending on if I forgot the last time I'd been asked. It's really funny.

Now all of that last part is why I love photography :D. Being able to goto my personal album of moments I've experienced helps immensely. For example, last time I went to Washington D.C. for Otakon, if you ask me to describe that trip, I can tell you in a vague statement of what transpired. Now if I look at the associated album, it truly unlocks in my brain more precise detail, although now that I'm writing it I'm scared that the details it unlocks might be ficitious... but that's never happened before! or to my knowledge at least..

Annnyway, uh, welcome to my weblog I guess, I mostly made it because sometimes I consume content about a topic and I have opinions I'd like to share. Not to anyone in particular but just there are some things I want to write about, and writing in a diary is something I could never get into the habit of doing. The prospect of a weblog excites me though so I think I can keep up with it if I journal my thoughts this way.

I'm not very good at writing and I wanted to end it at that last paragraph but I need to add, that I love anime, I love early 2000s technology, I love physical media (I have a small collection I'll post about soon), I like single purpose devices (those people who have like 5-7 devices they carry everyday need to die, thats WAY too many devices to be carrying holy shit), I do curse.. sorry, uhh I love cameras, I read light novels, I try to read/play visual novels, I do not have a sleep schedule, and I am very tech literate.

- Renn